Friday, January 23, 2015

Why YOU Shouldn't Date Me

I think one of the mistakes that men make when dating a single mother is thinking that we have time for bullshit. We don’t! We aren’t just living for ourselves. We are living for our children who demand our attention 24/7. We are on call and prepared for the unexpected every second of every day for the rest of our lives. We have made decisions that are harder for most to fathom, we’ve faced the scariest times of our lives alone, we’ve learned to not just walk around mountains but to crush them and walk through the dust and through this all, we are more vulnerable than we’ve ever been. So if you can’t appreciate me being a single mom, then you have no business in my life because you’ll only waste my time.


We spend a good part of our life teaching the most stubborn and egocentric of humanity not to be selfish. Our kids! Not to mention, our every excuse to be selfish was ripped out from under us the moment we became a mother. We used to spend a ridiculous amount of money and time on things like clothes, hair, makeup and having the best body we can so that we could feel good about ourselves. We all go through that phase in life and it’s part of learning who we are but a single mother doesn’t live for herself anymore because we found out that living for someone else is better than living for ourselves.  

There’s a reason I don’t let just anyone into my daughter's life. She is one of the most important people in my life. I care more about her getting hurt than myself getting hurt. I can forgive someone who hurts me and I can even give them a second chance but when it comes to those who selfishly take my her for granted, completely unacceptable! And the quickest way to get me to shut the door in your face.

I walked away from a life where I didn’t have to work and could go shopping and vacationing whenever I felt like it. And now? I’m working on making my own money which thrills me a lot more than fancy clothes, jewelry and vacations. But by all means, go ahead and buy me things. Just don’t be surprised when I walk away because I’ve run out of patience for your need to fulfill your ego with materialistic trophies. Because I have something you’ll never be able to buy and it’s not my fault you’re too self absorbed to see this.

I guess you can say my standards are probably higher than ever before but considering the idiots I’ve wasted my time on, this is completely justified. However, I’ll never give up hope that there’s a man out there strong enough to handle me. In the mean time, I think I’ll have fun enjoying some me and little girl time ;)

Friday, May 30, 2014

Baking Free

As a  stay at home mom I love every single moment of being able to be with my little bear cub and see her milestones. But when youve walked the heels of a woman who have worked 80% of her life in the office boredom kicks in and you have to deal with the saga of thoughts plaguing you on what to do to make your day exciting.

Alas! Baking

I have always fancied baking. It comes at my core. Other than the love of eating. And so here is my newbie cup cakes that I've made while my little 5 year old still on her kindergarten class





And yeah, I think I got overboard with all the cupcakes that I could come up with but hey! My kiddo loves it. She ate it all with her classmates. Not bad for a first time baker :D

Friday, December 6, 2013

Reading Helen Keller After College


I had heard of Helen Keller, of course, although I must confess to having thought her British rather than American.  For those who don't know the name, Keller lived from 1880-1968 and at 19 months' old had an illness which left her completely blind and deaf.  She spent seven years with barely any proper communication with others; she describes it as a period during which she was not alive - then, when Keller was seven, 20-year old Anne Sullivan became her teacher.  With Sullivan's patient assistance, Keller used hand-spelling to communicate, and became rather more eloquent than most other young women.

She wrote The Story of My Life in 1903, which I have not read; the essays collected within The World I Live In were written during Keller's twenties, and make for fascinating reading - and certainly not for some sort of novelty value, but because Keller is, in her own right, incredibly intelligent, something of a philosopher, and entirely an optimist.  Indeed, the NYRB Classics edition I have includes Optimism: an essay written in 1903, which includes this excerpt:

I, too, can work, and because I love to labour with my head and my hands, I am an optimist in spite of all.  I used to think I should be thwarted in my desire to do something useful. But I have found out that though the ways in which I can make myself useful are few, yet the work open to me is endless.  The gladdest labourer in the vineyard may be a cripple.  Even should the others outstrip him, yet the vineyard ripens in the sun each year, and the full clusters weigh into his hand.  Darwin could work only half an hour at a time; yet in many diligent half-hours he laid anew the foundations of philosophy.  I long to accomplish a great and noble task; but it is my chief duty and joy to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble.  It is my service to think how I can best fulfil the demands that each day makes upon me, and to rejoice that others can do what I cannot.
 When I say that Keller's worth as an author is not merely as a novelty, I mean that she should not be patronised, nor her writing viewed as some sort of scientific experiment.  She is too good and perceptive a writer for that.  But, of course, Keller offers a different understanding and interaction with the world than most writers would.  The sections I found most fascinating were towards the beginning, where Keller writes about hands.  She divides this into three sections: 'The Seeing Hand' (how she uses touch as her primary sense); 'The Hands of Others' (how hands reveal character), and 'The Hands of the Race' (where the explores hands in history and culture.)  Her perspective is not entirely unique, I daresay, but I certainly haven't encountered documented elsewhere, nor can I imagine it done more sensitively, or with such a good-humoured demeanour:
It is interesting to observe the differences in the hands of people.  They show all kinds of vitality, energy, stillness, and cordiality.  I never realised how living the hand is until I saw those chill plaster images in Mr. Hutton's collection of casts.  The hand I know in life has the fullness of blood in its veins, and is elastic with spirit.
[...]
I read that a face is strong, gentle; that it is full of patience, of intellect; that it is fine, sweet, noble, beautiful.  Have I not the same right to use these words in describing what I feel as you have in describing what you see?  They express truly what I feel in the hand.  I am seldom conscious of physical qualities, and I do not remember whether the fingers of a hand are short or long, or the skin is moist or dry. [...] Any description I might give would fail to make you acquainted with a friendly hand which my fingers have often folded about, and which my affection translates to my memory.
As I say, it is these early sections which I found most captivating; similarly, the essay on smell gave a wonderful insight.  I hope it is obvious that I intend no offence when I say it reminded me of Flush by Virginia Woolf, where the dog's primary sense is smell, and the world is focalised through this perspective.  Keller does not feel that her experience of life is any less full than anybody else's - the senses of touch, smell, and taste give her a vivid comprehension of the world and, what is more, a deep appreciation of it:
Between my experiences and the experiences of others there is no gulf of mute space which I may not bridge.  For I have endlessly varied, instructive contacts with all the world, with life, with the atmosphere whose radiant activity enfolds us all.  The thrilling energy of the all-encasing air is warm and rapturous.  Heat-waves and sound-waves play upon my face in infinite variety and combination, until I am able to surmise what must be the myriad sounds that my senseless ears have not heard.
I have to confess that the second broader section of The World I Live In left me cold.  In it, she describes - at length - her dreams, since it is often 'assumed that my dreams should have peculiar interest for the man of science.'  Well, perhaps they do.  But I am allergic to people describing their dreams, it is utter anaethema to me (as my housemates now know!) and I skipped past this section.  If you have a greater tolerance for dream-descriptions than I do, perhaps it is just as interesting as the first section.
The final parts of the book were added from elsewhere, for the NYRB edition: the optimism essay, mentioned above, and 'My Story', written when she was 12, and quite astonishingly mature for that age - let alone for a girl who had only learnt language from the age of seven.
That is what astounds me most about Helen Keller's book: that someone who came late to language should progress in it so quickly and maturely.  Regardless of the reasons why she could not speak, read, or listen, the fact that she had seven years without language, overcame this, and wrote so beautifully and intelligently  - well, it's astonishing.  Keller is wise, sensitive, generous, and philosophically fascinating.  I'm grateful to NYRB for bringing The World I Live In back into print in 2003, and would recommend this to anybody interested in intelligent, lovely writing.  Here's a wonderfully insightful paragraph from Keller to finish:
It is more difficult to teach ignorance to think than to teach an intelligent blind man to see the grandeur of Niagara.  I have walked with people whose eyes are full of light, but who see nothing in wood, sea, or sky, nothing in city streets, nothing in books.  What a witless masquerade is this seeing!  It were better far to sail forever in the night of blindness, with sense and feeling and mind, than to be thus content with the mere act of seeing.  They have the sunset, the morning skies, the purple of distant hills, yet their souls voyage through this enchanted world with a barren state.

Another book to get Stuck into:

Halfway to Venus by Sarah Anderton

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Biking Around

Lets be honest here. I dont know how to ride a bike, but that doesnt stop me from letting my kid have her own bike.




I love the walk around the neighborhood, she loves to run around and bike. I get that I don't mind one least bit just have caution. We live in a fairly peaceful town and the neighborhood is awesome. I love my neighbors theyve been very humane and peaceful (think 8pm all its lights out) kind of people.

Someday I would learn how to bike so we could both do it together but this time, I reserve the experience just for her while I can still do the chores peacefully.